I keep feeling like I'm destined for so much more than I have done thus far in my life. I'm not sure where this feeling comes from but I perpetually feel like I should be better or stronger than I am. The funny thing is that in the past this feeling would have dragged me down to depression but now I feel fine, apathetic but fine.
I'm worried I'm slowly selling out on dreams or making concessions to traits that don't really fit me. That and at times I feel as though I was once a better husband than I am now, I feel like I'm missing the little details.
I trust that as I try to do the things that Heavenly Father requires that I will become what he wants me to be. My struggle is to battle my sense of apathy and instead have more hope and faith.
I think part of this has to do with my lack of ability to see the path ahead of me. I know that for me to support the family that Christy and I want I will need to complete a degree and this means school full-time and probably less income while that happens. The question in my mind is not only what major but what college? Do I finish at Metro? Do I apply to BYU? Do I just keep working and trust that my income for the next 4 years will not change in a negative way?
I wish that I could cure myself of this doubt and fixation on my future.
To quote the band Say Anything
"You'd burn so brightly
You'd burn so brightly in the dark
You'd burn so brightly
You'd burn so
You'd burn so
You could do better
You could do better
You could be the greatest man in the world"
